Its all about me!!   lol

What I realize is that I’m a pretty good communicator.  HOWEVER, I sometimes think I have transmitted one thing in a certain manner and one or the other (the thing or the manner) or both are not always accepted by the receivers.  I MUST be more mindful and purposeful.  I realize that there is plenty of room for improvement.

I had this beautiful “B” on my name tag and thought it was just for “bill”. lol. Well, “blogging” can mean a lot of different things. What it means for me is to share thoughts in a “Web log”. Pretty much growing diary of thoughts, questions, insights, and nonsense…

Word associations are a wonderful way to surface meaning. This morning we explored “Communication”. We have methods and modalities. In the variety of tools and methods, “communication” can be enhanced and have problems in any form or modality.

We tend to think the “gold standard” is face to face. Perhaps. We certainly do that most often. When modalities are explored, methods and principles become more important than a specific modality.

We know that communication is vital to community.

Relationship Skills

Speak for Yourself
You language doesn’t work. “You think…” We language doesn’t work either. “Most of us think….”

Instead use “I” language. Speak for yourself and only what you think.

Listen Actively
It’s really fun to hear how they worked with the U.S. Senate. Fancy the Senators understanding each other more (across the aisle) and liking each other more.

Aristotle: The fool persuades me with his reasons. The wise man persuades me with his own.

Gatekeeping
You don’t have consensus unless everyone speakers. But there are some very quiet people who rarely speak up. Gatekeeping is inviting the quieter people into the discussion. “Clinically apprehensive communicators.” They have incredible insights, but by the time they figure out how to insert their comment, the time has passed.

If you are an outgoing person, never make more than two comments before you ask someone else to say something.

Compliment and Agree
Groups with energy say, “That’s a great idea.” “My opinion is changing after hearing from all of you.” “I really like that idea because…”

Humor
Laughing in meetings builds the relationship. If we laugh together, we feel safe together.

Process Check
Say to the group, “I’d like to do a process check.” And then you define the process that isn’t working. “I’m feeling very threatened.” or “There are so many sarcastic comments. I’d like to propose that we eliminate all put downs.”

You must write to create consensus. You write down the words that people used when others eyes lit up and they nodded. If it’s in writing, everyone walks out with the same consensus.

At the end, everyone gets to share “what did you think?” IN the meeting, instead of afterwards as we usually do.

TASK Skills solve the problem quickly.

Pronounced “press”. This model means that at the beginning of the meeting you see where everyone is at on the concept or issue. Each person shares their ideas in 45 seconds.

• Point.
• Reason.
• Example.
• Summary.

Round two is question asking. You can’t ask questions though that are “opinion statements masquereding as questions.”

“Stasis” a Greek word where you find the middle. The sticking points. The center. Move the group along by making a summary and focusing the conversation on what is most important.

Polling then asks the group if they agree to a solution.  “When you fail to poll, you leave all of your agreement on the table and take nothing with you.” When not everyone agrees, the next question is, what are your main concerns? It’s a waste of time to talk about anything else. If you don’t ask this question, then everyone talks about the same thing over and over again louder and with more energy. These “outliers” the people who don’t agree, usually make the decision stronger because they have an angle that the rest of us don’t have.

20% of your activity gets 80% of the results. 20% of your dialogue is yielding 80% of your consensus. If you talk outside of that 20% zone then you’re wasting time.  You can cut out hours of conversation but focusing on the zone.

Notes from the introduction by The Glasers.

Go into the center of the conflict and there the relationship is strengthened.

In every group there are those who doubt the importance. “We don’t have time for the soft stuff.” “We don’t have time for team work and collaboration.” Creating a collaboratve culture is the key to a high performance organization.

An positive example of collaboration. In the SARS epidemic, A teleconference every single day where you share everything you learned with all the other labs. It took three weeks to identify the virus. The scientists said it would have taken three years if they hadn’t collaborated. The collaboration meant everyone shared all information with everyone else.

This is the foundation of organizational performance.

This isn’t just about “feel good stuff”, it’s about the nuts and bolts of organizational performance. We will leave with skills to transform the way we work in groups.

Decision-making
Organizations need to use three types of decision making. Everyone needs to know what kind of decision is being made. For example, often the participants feel that they are making a consensus decision and instead it’s a consultive decision.

• Command decisions. The leader calls it.
• Consultive decisions. The leader makes the decision with input, insights from group.
• Consensus decisions. Leader’s voice is no stronger than anyone else’s.

Today’s session is specifically on how to make consensus decisions. People support that which they helped to create. People who are closest to the work are usually the ones who know how to do the work more efficiently. This decision format is the hardest to do.

In consensus decision, EVERYONE has to share and pay attention. Everyone has to be listening (not on their cell phone!!) and everyone supports the decision when it’s done. Everyone can say, “I heard, I’ve been heard, now we can move forward.”

We’re going to practice this with “inside” groups and “outside” groups so that we can watch others experience this. Stay tuned for reports on the experience.

There’s one thing that impresses me so far – the way that Peter and Susan model speak together. Each one speaks alternately, with one voice. They support one another with their words and with their body language and nodding heads. We can learn not only from what they say, but how they speak.

I appreciate the powerful way in which consensus is being explained, demonstrated, and will soon be practiced.  If we can learn to hear one another, we can create such powerful ways of communicating and opening up new ways of living with one another that will lead to peace and prosperity in our organizations.