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Relationship Skills July 16, 2007

Posted by Janine Lim in Communication.

Relationship Skills

Speak for Yourself
You language doesn’t work. “You think…” We language doesn’t work either. “Most of us think….”

Instead use “I” language. Speak for yourself and only what you think.

Listen Actively
It’s really fun to hear how they worked with the U.S. Senate. Fancy the Senators understanding each other more (across the aisle) and liking each other more.

Aristotle: The fool persuades me with his reasons. The wise man persuades me with his own.

You don’t have consensus unless everyone speakers. But there are some very quiet people who rarely speak up. Gatekeeping is inviting the quieter people into the discussion. “Clinically apprehensive communicators.” They have incredible insights, but by the time they figure out how to insert their comment, the time has passed.

If you are an outgoing person, never make more than two comments before you ask someone else to say something.

Compliment and Agree
Groups with energy say, “That’s a great idea.” “My opinion is changing after hearing from all of you.” “I really like that idea because…”

Laughing in meetings builds the relationship. If we laugh together, we feel safe together.

Process Check
Say to the group, “I’d like to do a process check.” And then you define the process that isn’t working. “I’m feeling very threatened.” or “There are so many sarcastic comments. I’d like to propose that we eliminate all put downs.”

You must write to create consensus. You write down the words that people used when others eyes lit up and they nodded. If it’s in writing, everyone walks out with the same consensus.

At the end, everyone gets to share “what did you think?” IN the meeting, instead of afterwards as we usually do.


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